LIFE | Working From Home Seems Wrong

Saturday, February 20, 2016

I know, I know. My title seems slightly click-bait-ish, but there seemed to be no other way to summarize how I was feeling. In our modern world, women are celebrated when they have reached the top of their game, when they get that prestigious CEO title, when they graduate law or medical school. And trust me, those are all impressive feats...but when a women decides to stay home in lieu of working out in the seems almost...wrong.

Up until about a year ago, I worked full time and worked various management positions at large retailers. I enjoyed it. Being in charge, running the show. I'm one of those people who shows initiative, who isn't happy when things aren't going well or I'm not putting in my best effort. I don't like to have to explain myself in the case that things aren't well, so I always aimed to out perform. But even then, it was a futile attempt since every time a new manager would come in, they would try to squash you and make you feel insignificant, because let's face it, we all know new "leaders" like to flex when they get into position.

When I left that unhappy and miserable job, I ended up working at a beauty store. I LOVE IT. I mean, what's not to love about working around make up and helping people find beauty in anyway they wanted it? I liked the people I worked with and my manager and the smaller store just felt better. But just wasn't quite right.

When my husband got deployed, I had to make the decision to leave work due to child care issues. At this time, I decided to finish up my bachelors degree. Yet...after more student loan debt and a shiny new degree, things still didn't feel right. Suddenly, I was supposed to find this great job and work in an amazing field and finally get those dolla-dolla bills, y'all. And so I looked, and looked, and nothing fit. Either I was WAY under qualified and inexperienced or I was entire OVER qualified.

So I made yet another decision. I was going to try to make my hobbies profitable. Thus, this blog started, my greeting card game was amplified and my art started to take a new look and feel, all of which started to bring in a income stream for me.

So now, I am working from home. Between my art, my cards, and my blog/contributor posts, I am making nearly half of what I was making working full time in the retail world. I mean, that's pretty  good right? Some people will never sell anything of their own, will never be able to create a profitable business, will never be able to make money from home. But I can. And I know I don't celebrate myself enough, but I need to. I get to stay home with my son and be around for his soccer games and I can manage everything from the walls of my office space in my home.

So then...why have I been finding myself lying about what I'm doing? When people ask me if I'm working, I tell them I am still looking. But really.... I'm not. Like AT ALL. I say "I'll be able to work when my husband gets back," but that's not the reason I'm not working. I don't quite know what to call myself: An Artist? An Entrepreneur? A Stay-at-Home Mom? A Hobbiest? A Blogger?

All of those seem to be things some people look down upon. Let's be real here for a second. Saying "no" to working out in the world, especially as a woman, when other women are paving the way for gender equality in the work place, seems almost like a slap in the face to feminism. But you know what's worse to me? Feeling bad that I can't just openly say that I don't want to work. People assume it's temporary or the assume it's necessary. She is home because they don't have anyone to watch her kid. Or she is home because she can't find a job. Or she is home because XYZ.

I get scared, a lot, that the money will stop coming in. That my family and I will struggle to make ends meet, but that's just because I'm a worrier.

To be honest, I don't necessarily know where I am going with this. Women should be able to do as they please when it comes to working or not working or working from home. No one should be made to feel bad about the decisions that are making. No one should feel scared or hesitant to tell someone what they do or don't do for a living because it doesn't fit in with what is considered normal or expected now-a-days.

Just do you. Do what is right for you. And get at it HARD.  No half-sies, no half-assery. There is no single right path for anyone and only you get to create your own path.




1 comment:

  1. "Do what is right for you." Even as a male, I went through a similar experience working for a call center and knew I needed something more fulfilling for my mental health. Art seems to be the answer. Keep inspiring people <3